Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
