Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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