I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
