i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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