Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
