Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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