Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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