why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
