When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize