I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
