I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
