why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
