when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Someone signed my nipple.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
