In the future we'll all be gay
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
pray to the hookup gods
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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