yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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