Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i will never coherently bang her
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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