I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
