Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
