How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
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