Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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