I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
