Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
