did you get engaged???
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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