you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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