So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
