So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
