she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
