you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
