The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
being pregnant is like rehab
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
