didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
