The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
