He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
