When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
