Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
