I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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