paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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