a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
