Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
