get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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