id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
