We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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