:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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