Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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