Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
