Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
