I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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