Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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