let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
