I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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