I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
