Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
porn star boner night. come get it.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
