i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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