my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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