Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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