I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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