I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
