so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
