How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
