im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
