Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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