talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize