belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
