I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He felt like a one man threesome
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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