what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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