I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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