so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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