Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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