I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
