We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
