I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
