and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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