Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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