I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
