hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
