Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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