Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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