The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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