I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
