I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
