So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Dicks are not precious.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
