just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
