i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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