Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
