This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
