A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize