The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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