I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
