Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Do vagina's smell?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
