I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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