So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
