she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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