I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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